Summation

Pretty sure I had this at least partially completed before coming to Clemson.

Should I channel my feelings
into something real enough to bother being named
let it take my breath away
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a spiraling notebook on a shelf in my closet
annotated in graphite is the shadow of my soul
nihilistic but whole and its been insured
but it's got nothing let to live for
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Glass projected films on the ceiling
each and every dream is peeling
Can't you just keep them away
have them taped and chained
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A line of papers coat the floor
melted in the summer heat
the words worth writing
were hidden in the ink
So I crumble in the earth
my fate secured with the dirt
she wanted me a little early
and I'm just too lonely without her

Reincarnation of a Madman

Wrote this, err, last week?

Why can't my madness make any sense
without the cents I paid for this recorder
While the tragedy of being me
lay lame in the distorted
message to the man on the dark side of the moon fishing for answers
we're fishing for answers
and on the times we get a tug
the questions have traveled on
dulled by all the fuss
and maybe we are too.
Too clouded with the "Truth"

Each moment dies with the birth of a new
why don't we ever mourn the loss
is it too fast to recognize?
Instead the switch contains a bliss from the unknowingness within

Change is on the way
and it doesn't give a shit for us
I try so hard to stave it off
but it still buries me in it's dust
after I arise, broken but alive
I am who I was
But I've never been the same
Why can't this madness make any sense
I don't want to feel afraid

Belated Post #3

The notes the flow
The presentation;
It's all for show
this lamentation

We don't seem to see
Truth can so be easy
It is just too much to try

We're not just growing apart
The maze has closed off our start
and you don't even care

So, I throw down my last card
And fold into shards
of a relationship we shared and when I look at the words
I realize it's okay for me to move on
and from the away you down

Belated Post #2

I can't wait for the time
when I'm on your mind and it's a good thing
I don't think I can take any more of this
you're animosity is grinding every part of me
and I just want to scream
punch a hole in each wall
Even though it's my fault

Why can't we fight about things that don't matter
and after fill our ears with laughter
from the stupid things we said instead
enjoy the makeup sex I've heard so much about

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I would fight this resistence I have to life with blood pumping cyanide but I've never had the balls.
It's so much easier to ignore, let my heart grow numb and my mind get stale; turns out after these months, I really was that frail.
So I froze the world with every inch of snow around me, leaving traces of my pacing thinking I'd have time for a future; but the arms wrapped around are chilling, ticking in my ears and I want it all to go away. But each flake that hits my face staves off another round of burning in my eyes.
It's been 15 years or 15 days I don't know I gave up on counting long ago.

Belated Posts

I am going to post a backlog from last semester now followed by a few that were written recently. I'll keep them to one piece per post?

Breathe
I just need to breathe
Let the air flow from my lungs
Push the words tangled on my tongue

Speak
I just need to speak
Let you know what I feel

Cause I
can think nothing more
perfect and impure
as you
And I
want nothing less
than to see you undress
before my eyes
This isn't lust
okay it is but it is as just as the love inside

But honestly
I can't resist your kiss
The feel of your lips
the heat of your breath on my skin
The scene becomes surreal the more real it is

Breathe
I just need to breathe
I can't allow this fever to take control
But I look at the bruised and bitten body
that lay before me
only to realize the small genocide I've just committed
yet I don't mind. In fact, I'd do it again and again for you.