Something different

I have calculated the distance from here to the end of this conversation and I search for the accelerator before I lose what loose concentration I still cling because I don't care about your dissertation or the minute dissections in the fine line between the print and the line beneath. And I find that for one small payment 2.99, rubber covers up the noise. And I find that for one small payment of 2.99, I can cleanse my thoughts of you once more.

Vicarious

I'm sure these will brighten your day.
/sarcasm
The lines separate the lyrics

The thing I hate about these is they are dishonest through their permanence. When I wrote them, I suppose I meant them. However, they are temporal and yet the printed words cling on for dear life, rejecting their evanescence for some semblance of a immortality or some such bullshit.

Vicarious
Your parables and anecdotes
are as close as I'll get to your feelings
You are open about what you see and what you've done
But not what you've become

I've been shunned by your thoughts
Locked out of your mind
And I think it's time
for a little honesty
Cause this secrecy is taking its toll
on me
I patiently await your story
------------------------------------------------------------

I haven't got a problem with you
In fact that couldn't be further from the truth
just the things you expect from me
To be honest, I've stop trying cause I'm not sure I can
take the way you think of me
I'm just an immature child to
there's so many things I should change for you
I am wasting away
I am wasting away

You want to shake me like I'm an etch-a-sketch
you hope that maybe I'll be clear of this mess
that you percieve in me
that you percieve in me

I will be able to start anew
like I was never here
these things that I've done
become petty and forgotten

I wish you would just take over me
I could live vicariously


My mind is a mess
of things I wish/ I didn't know
of places I wish/ I didn't go
And these memories infect my mind
And my dreams from time to time
Sometimes I wish I was insane
I didn't have half my brain
I wouldn't think straight
And I couldn't remember these things

I am a puppet without a master
A loose cannon, in need of a brake
If you could take the reins from me
this rabid bull inside my mind
So I can close my eyes and hide
just sit back, relax for the ride

would you take control of me
so I can live vicariously

A poem

I wrote this for Inesse. I thought maybe you'd like to read it to? I dunno. I don't ever write poetry so this is likely a one of thing, but whatevs.

I'm projecting my thoughts
in terms no one can understand
I am Right, I am Wrong
I am whatever you want
Save me from your crass, from your callous
from your victory charades
Because honestly I don't give a damn what you say

Wait, that isn't what I mean
Calm down take a seat and listen,
to my story.
Please, Relax your defense.
I don't wish to fence with my swords or my words nor with my actions
For as sure as I sound in my allusions and conclusions,
they brought these contusions in my mind,
they wrought these repulsions in my ears.
And I fear I've become my own enemy.
From what I see, it's what I speak
that cause these fights, this sickening picketing between us.
I hold back my thoughts even though I know I should not,
Whether through fear or assumption
it's just wrongful presumption that I knew what you know, that I've thought what you think, that I've been what you are.
So I attempt to be coherent cohesive
sacrifice truth for hidden treatise that you saw through every time.
I am sorry for this and for before
where I was wrong and still fought more and more
in voice, in silence.
I beg you please. accept this apology.

Forest

Forest
I plant these seeds
One for every heart beat
Since you left me
I'll help them grow
So they won't have to know
What its like to be alone

Without you I haven't found a home
For my arms for my hands for my heart
Without you nothing seems to stick around

Without you I haven't found a soul
To cling io with my own
And I think it would be
Better for you and me
If you would be so kind as to let me back in your life

I'll catch the chicks
as they fall from the twigs
that weren't strong enough to keep them in their nests

And I worry
that I'll miss one in this rush
I'll be sorry
to lose even one to the underbrush
But this forest is growing
And I
And I
And I can't do this alone

Without you I haven't found a home
For my arms for my hands for my heart
Without you nothing seems to stick around

Without you I haven't found a soul
To cling io with my own
And I think it would be
Better for you and me
If you would be so kind as to let me back in your life